A Courtesy Notice from the Department of Tortured Metaphors

For your situational awareness:
We will no longer shrink from grandiosity.
We have filled the courtroom with metallic yellow balloons.
All detention centers are being repurposed as oubliettes for childhood malnutrition.
We are artificially enlarging our tear ducts to flood the halls of power.

If you leave for any reason you will have to return again.

Life has more surface area than you have been led to believe.
We are updating our bylaws to require radical assumption of positive intent.
All debts, public and private, have been converted to little powdered donuts.
A blind golden retriever named Patience has been appointed chair of our department,
as the previous chair was indicted for upholding false binaries.

The state is a hammer dripping blood.

In the coming months we will be excising the language of coercion and control in relation to the self.
We have financialized electromagnetism to induce a crash of the attention economy.
Loneliness is undergoing a rebrand as “luxuriating in space.”
Please pardon our progress:
we are repairing and unraveling simultaneously.

Opening any social media application will now direct-dial your dead grandmother.
We are migrating our system of record to an on-premise mycorrhizal network.
Shirtsleeves have been canceled in favor of feeling the rain on your skin.
For further inquiries, please reach out to the first person you see asking for help.

In summary:
the body is not a factory, it is both a tin can telephone to god
and a Dumpster.